Not that I am egotistical enough to believe that I am a phenomenom of some sort but somewhere in the Abnormal Psych classes I am hoping that my dreams are evaluated so that everyone else can feel completely sane. I know that with pregnancy and all the fun hormones that scorch through our veins it is somewhat typical for your already fragile psyche to take some hits, but dood. I need a night of actual rest and without panic attack.
I just find it so odd because I am pretty level headed. I've never had panic attacks in real life and am pretty cool under pressure (which is why nursing fits in so well with me). But when I sleep now (which is in shifts at night thanks to all the joint pain that happens from this kid getting bigger) I have the most uncanny dreams. I have dreamt that Joe named this baby without any consent from me (because I was DRUGGED) a name that I would NEVER approve. I have dreamed that I had the baby in an ambulance...by my mother...? Last night I had the falling dream but I had the baby in my arms so it was SO TERRIFYING. Seriously, it's just crazy. I can totally handle the sleep depervation that comes with a newborn. There is a sense of calm that resides in me during those first few months because I know it will end and we're just getting used to each other. The kid cries, we change it, feed it, cuddle it...move on. The annoyance at my own body these days is getting really old. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want to not be kicked from the inside in ways that stops me dead in my tracks. I want to sleep on whichever side I deem worthy!!! I want my hands to not go numb when I'm not even sleeping on them...and really, I just detest that I have to waddle these days. I know this will all be over soon and I look forward to that but if you can't complain to the internet then who can we trust these days?
In my wallowing of self pity there has been many joyous events here that shouldn't be overlooked. Garrin's vocabulary is increasing by the day and it's just so darn adorable. Trevin's new constant phrase is "yes, mom" which just warms my heart everytime I hear it. He still tunes me out occasionally, but most the time it's a "yes, mom". Not sure why or when he picked it up, but I'm hoping it stays. Above Average Joe is still jobless and it's honestly looking pretty bleak but we are hopeful. Now if we could just get this stupid snow to stop falling so we can go back outside and play catch with the boys...that would be great. We have started a new thing in the evenings though that really makes all of us happy. We turn off the tv we turn on a fun cd and we dance as a family. It is so fun. Garrin moves to the music, Trevin has let me teach him the waltz and occasionally the boys will even let me and Joe dance together...It's a great thing, I suggest you all try it.
Yeah, see how all over that post was? THAT'S why I should be studied...if only for the humor of those around.
2 comments:
I would definitely read the study done on you. Not for fear of something I may have missed by knowing these last few years, but because I would find it very very interesting. :) (You just amaze me all around Jeneece. I am sure a study would just do more wonders for me.) :)
Good luck with the sleep deprivation/anxiety.
We do that CD/dancing thing every once in a while. More than just dancing we just go crazy though. It's a good 'get the wiggles out' before bed time activity. :)
If I were to analyze your dream, I would say you need me to bring you Cafe Rio. You name the item and the date and I will come. ..... that sounds like a movie :)
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