Mind, Body & Soul (Or how a 4th pregnancy may kill you)

I've been pregnant a few times. I'm aware of all the things that "can" happen. I'm also very blessed that most of my pregnancies have been terribly, terribly easy. Until this one. It still is on the low end of inconveniences compared to some, but it's been really hard on me. This one has been harder on my body, my mind and my spirit. I'll show you why.
I was okay when we learned we were pregnant. It wasn't planned, but it wasn't avoided and a complete surprise either. Joe and I had both accepted that one more would be good and at this point, we were both not getting any younger, so sure. This year, this'll work. The tax break should be good and apparently i can only birth children in odd years (99, 07, 09 & 11).
Having had both genders of children I figured that I'd be able to tell pretty easy what I was carrying. According to how I carry (low or high) this is a boy. According to how I feel (nausea and such) this is a girl. Awesome.
Long standing tradition is to not find out. I did this to myself. I actually did want to find out on this one. It won't kill me not to know, but I thought it would be fun to find out early on this time. Nope. Joe likes the tradition and the kid was not AT ALL cooperative at ultrasound time. So much for my vote.
I think I have gotten progressively more crazy with this pregnancy as well. I'm not really one to panic, but I have had some serious panic/anxiety attacks. I don't like this at all. Maybe part of me thinks that because I am messing with fate by always saying "this is our last one" that I'm just waiting for something to kick my trash for thinking I get final say in this. Joe has had to talk me down from the ledge several times on this. Thank goodness he is able to do so.
Now to the body....oh goodness, my body. Find me a woman that doesn't already have body issues, slip an extra 30 or so pounds on her, swell her joints, change her center of gravity, stretch out her skin to a bursting point and make sure that food is unappealing to her as well. good times.
Now, mind you, since all these things are intermingled as a human this continues through the pregnancy. only you don't get any control. So imagine being a schizophrenic where the smaller "inner voice" has all the power and you can't even take an aspirin to quiet it down. Body temperature? no control. Food cravings ALONG with nausea? nothing to do with you! Ability to walk and think at the same time? get serious. and LEST we forget I also have 2 other small people controlling my life from the outside as well. I am FAR outnumbered so the triple crazy makes perfect math sense, right?
You might also think that because your body has been through this, it would be easier. Not so much. I think my body remembers so well that it starts all the crappy stuff early. I had only gained 2 pounds in the first 20 weeks or so, but it made me feel like I was hefting around another 50 or so. My back was sore, my knees would give and oh. my. highness. I would not wish this hip pain on anyone. Since week 5 or 6 I have had to very strategically place pillows all around me to help alleviate the searing pain of this crap. And the position has to change every few hours. Maybe a quick map of my body would be helpful here just to make sure it's clear.
Head - messed with for above reasons. It's already crowded in there but add extra doses of hormones and lack of sleep and food. no bueno.
Eyes - dizziness is just part of excitement whenever I stand up.
Shoulders - for some reason I can only position my neck well on my pillow on my left side. My right shoulder rolls differently. I can't figure it out.
Boobs - oh the fun. but wait! those are not for fun! Those are medically needed to make sure that your baby eats so no touchy!
Stomach - um, I used to have a pretty nice torso area. Yeah, before all those previous kids and the scalpel that showed up to usher one of them out. Also, my belly is not round. It tilts to the left. Hopefully, I'm the only one that really notices this.
Hips!!!! - ouch. I've heard about prenatal massage and chiropractic care for this kind of thing, but I'm pretty sure I would bankrupt us in the matter of days if that did work so I'm just trying to work through it as best I can. I think they call it round ligament pain. I call it hell.
Thighs - The kid is being carried a good foot above these but apparently all the extra weight is just settling there in case it decides to move down.
Knees - does anyone not know that I have had like 13 knee surgeries? on BOTH knees. it's been great.
Ankles/cankles - I did NOT have this kind of swelling with any other of my pregnancies. This kid is gonna hear about this for years. Like how my mom tells me that she lost her curly hair for me (it came back like 30 years later)
Feet - I don't remember my feet hurting like this when I would work 10 hour shifts on my feet. how is that fair?
One more part that I'm sure everyone wants to hear about the digestive tract. hmmmm. how to put this delicately. See when you are preggo you have to take prenatal vitamins. these can either give you constipation, diarrhea or just plain nausea. Added bonus to the already nauseated. I get the added bonus of being IRON DEFICIENT with this particular kid too. One more pill that *may* cause constipation, diarrhea or nausea. Oh, and you have to take that one on an empty stomach, while standing and you can't lie down for at least 30 minutes. PLUS make sure your kids don't even look at these pills because iron poisoning is apparently the leading cause of all children's deaths. Ok, factor that into the already fabulous advice I have from everyone (docs included) to make sure I am taking it easy, lying down, with my feet up. all day. yeah, totally doable.
This is why I am crazy. Keeping all of this running through my head all day is exhausting. But I'm already the mother of 3 and have to keep their days going as well. It is a constant battle up in here to keep the hormones at bay, the kids calm, the food down and my spirits up. Most days I win, some days I fail miserably. But this too shall pass...
Soon enough I'll have a precious little one and then none of this will matter. Joe made the comment the other day that having this one on 11-22-11 would be cool. Now i have that to fixate on!